Emily Jamea, Ph.D., is a sex therapist, author and podcast host. You can find her here each month to share her latest thoughts about sex.
Lately, it seems like everyone’s more comfortable talking about their sexual preferences. And with this openness — does their freak match your freak? — sexual expression has evolved, with preferences like rough sex and erotic asphyxiation getting more attention and being talked about in mainstream media and personal relationships.
These practices, while not new, have piqued people’s curiosity, often fueled by what they see and hear in pop culture.
However, with this increase in popularity and curiosity, comes a complex interplay of empowerment, risk and controversy that warrants a close look and careful discussion.
Understanding erotic asphyxiation
Erotic asphyxiation involves deliberately restricting oxygen to the brain during sexual activity to enhance the intensity of your orgasm. This practice is commonly known as breath play or choking. Activities like these, when consensual, are seen by some as a way to explore power dynamics, heighten pleasure or satisfy certain kinks or fetishes.
Erotic asphyxiation is rooted in BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism) practices, where participants engage in activities that explore power, control and sometimes pain, often within pre-negotiated boundaries and with clear communication.
Read: Good Sex with Emily Jamea: Sexual Fantasies >>
The influence of popular culture
We can thank the “50 Shades of Grey” series for much of the rise in popularity of these kinks, because it brought BDSM into the mainstream, sparking curiosity and conversation around rough sex. Music videos, movies and even social media platforms have further contributed to normalizing these practices by including them as a part of a broader sexual repertoire.
While these portrayals have played a role in reducing the stigma around discussing and exploring sexual preferences, they’ve also raised concerns, particularly because erotic asphyxiation can be life-threatening. Critics argue that pop culture often glamorizes or oversimplifies these practices, without stressing the importance of consent, communication and safety.
This can lead to misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations, particularly among the inexperienced. Furthermore, there is an increase in younger people exploring these practices, most likely because they’ve become so pervasive in the media. Experts feel concerned that older adolescents and young adults may be at particular risk because their brains are not fully developed.
Why are people into erotic asphyxiation?
The draw of sexual choking is two-pronged. It can enhance physiological and psychological pleasure. While oxygen is being restricted, people may feel lightheaded, but when it’s released again, the body experiences an intense rush of endorphins, dopamine and serotonin which can create feelings of euphoria. This neurochemical rush adds to feelings of arousal and can enhance orgasm. As previously mentioned, the power dynamics at play can also intensify sexual arousal. Some people feel turned on knowing their life is in the hands of another.
What are the risks of erotic asphyxiation?
Among the various rough sex practices, erotic asphyxiation carries significant risks. The lack of oxygen can lead to dizziness, loss of consciousness, brain damage, or even death. Accidental fatalities during erotic asphyxiation are not unheard of, and they underscore the importance of extreme caution.
Some people engage in breath play alone, in which case we refer to it as autoerotic asphyxiation. Practicing this alone, without someone there to help if something goes wrong, is significantly more dangerous, and I do not advise it.
Because of these risks, it’s crucial for people engaging in erotic asphyxiation to educate themselves thoroughly and approach the practice with a heightened sense of responsibility. This might include learning about safe techniques and being aware of bodily cues that indicate danger. I recommend against engaging in this practice without a thorough understanding of its risks and without taking appropriate precautions, such as ensuring that both partners are sober and able to respond quickly in case of an emergency.
If you’re going to try sexual choking, be safe
Consent, education and clear boundaries are the cornerstones of any sexual activity. This is especially true for erotic asphyxiation. Clear, enthusiastic and ongoing consent is essential to ensure that all parties are comfortable and that boundaries are respected. For many, the appeal of rough sex lies in the consensual exploration of power dynamics and the trust required to engage in such intimate activities. Without proper understanding, the line between consensual rough sex and non-consensual violence can become blurred, leading to harmful situations. I always remind my clients that there are a variety of exciting and less risky ways to explore these dynamics.
The cultural and ethical debate
The rise of rough sex and erotic asphyxiation has sparked significant cultural and ethical debates. On the one hand, some view these acts as an expression of sexual freedom and empowerment. They argue that consensual adults should have the freedom to explore their sexual preferences without judgment. This perspective is rooted in the broader movement toward sexual liberation and the rejection of societal norms that dictate what is considered “acceptable” sexual behavior.
On the other hand, there are concerns about the potential for abuse and coercion. Critics worry that the normalization of these practices, particularly when influenced by media portrayals, may lead to situations where people feel pressured to participate in activities they’re uncomfortable with. The power dynamics in rough sex can also be problematic if not managed with care, leading to situations where one partner’s boundaries are violated.
Furthermore, there’s an ongoing discussion about the legal implications of these practices. In some cases,people have used the “rough sex defense” in court to justify acts of violence that resulted in harm or death, claiming that the injuries were from consensual activities gone wrong. This raises complex legal and ethical questions about consent, responsibility and the potential for abuse in these practices.
Communication and consent are key
The rise of rough sex and erotic asphyxiation reflects a broader shift in how society engages with sexual expression. While you can use sexual acts like these to explore pleasure, power and intimacy, they also come with significant risks and responsibilities. Ultimately, the conversation around rough sex and erotic asphyxiation is part of a larger dialogue about the changing landscape of sexual norms. And, as these practices become more mainstream, it’s essential to prioritize education, communication and consent to ensure that people can engage in them safely and responsibly while safeguarding their own well-being — and that of their partners.
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